Rape is evil and unforgivable

I tried as much as I could to curtail my emotions before picking up my notepad to create this article because it’s not been easy having to deal with a whole of negativity flying around in our world presently ranging from racism, rape, murder and other bewildering atrocities. It saddens my heart to see how cruel some humans can be, like where did we lost it that we abhor such level of hatred and unfeeling.

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I don’t usually jump on trends and make posts base on them, but lately, there’s been a pressing urge I couldn’t resist, I wake up with it on daily basis and the only way I could cut its toll on me to a reasonable extent is by penning it down.

I could write about its effect on me through this write-up and that makes me wonder what hold it would have on the family of those involved talkless the victims. As much as I don’t want my emotions rob me of the truth, I will be digging really deep this time around just so we are clearly on the same page and my point or take on this is well digested. I'd  like to dwell on rape for now and probably later address others as best I can.

I had a thorough thinking and self-examination regards to having a clear record of affair with the opposite sex as a form of eligibility to have a say on this. I find it really hard to initiate a hug with a woman even till date, so most times she stretches the hand then I give in. I remembered at a point in my life when I had a female "bestie", countless times I would just wanted shake hands with her but she makes gestures of not having it and we end up with a hug. I've got to be comfortable with you to request a hug and most times I’m usually reluctant no matter how close we are, not because I'm a saint, but simply because I'm shying from being disrespectful. There's always this soothing hug brings and it's mind calming most especially when one is overly anxious or going through difficult times, so I'm always a fan now till eternity. In all sincerity of heart, I never had a clear conscience when it comes to dealing with ladies, there are few times I made moves thinking she wants to be touched but couldn’t say it in plain words and as it is customary for guys to make the first move, I did, it works 90% of time but the remaining 10% still hurts till date, because I can’t bring myself down to the point of stooping so low to think she wants it while she doesn’t and it saddens my heart more and feels like I violated her even though I reiterate at the very first instance of NO without a second trial. I don’t usually ask a lady out twice even when it comes to relationship because before I could bring myself down to that, I had in some ways clearly made my intentions known in act before spilling it out that if I get a NO, it simply means NO so there’s no point pushing any further. I only push on rare occasions. So, “hard to get" doesn’t work for me and it’s a huge turn off as well. Let’s get this straight, making gestures or advances isn’t the crime here, but disrespecting her regardless of her stand and taking advantage of her tells a lot about how weak of a man you are. 

As it stands and in the light of how things are evolving lately, making advances is wrong and it’s been a lesson well learnt for me, we both should rather say what we want from each other in plain words and get it done for as long as we want or there’s a withdrawal of consent – another noteworthy lesson learnt, consent can be withdrawn -. You want out, say it out and clear, she’s not having it any more, ask her if she wants out, it goes both ways.

Here is what I’m driving at, I’ve heard people criticize the up-bring of the “boy child” and try to make it a point of duty for parents alone. Well, parents have their role to play, but for real, they can’t have it all figured out. As every child grows, you tend to make friends in school and some other social/religious gathering and one way or the other your thoughts and beliefs starts taking a turn bending to theirs and in most cases changes you forever. Last I checked, as a Christian, I don’t think they taught us that abstaining from sex is gender base not even in school as well, and I want to believe it's the same in other religions. Let me die before you bury me and I will in no way disrespect women and if I should say I understand how you victims feel, I’m a big fat liar. My point basically is that, thinking through this, and blaming the up-bring of the "boy child", I think it’s on a low-key a way to make excuse for rapists, more like trying to justify their deed. The Yoruba will say “any child who’s well-trained should train himself again”, if you think that parents have all the role to play, you should have a re-think and stop dishing out a relief of repentance because no rapist deserves such empathy. It takes the choices made by the child too. At a point in one's life, your parents will have a say no more and it leaves you crossing the road without a hand help. It takes me to how headstrong I was as a teenager, series of beating, days of punishments to the length of denying me food a times all made no difference to put me right in track of good conducts till I got to point in my life when those things starts making sense no more and thanks to the new company I started keeping. Growing up in Oshodi, I have every chance of being what my community conducts - I meant no offense here and I'm proud of that community from now till life thereafter - , but one way or the other, I traced my path back to right and it’s a decision I’m always grateful for. As individuals, we get to that T-junction of our lives that shapes it forever and at this point parents have little or no say. 

I’ve had ladies tell me I’m soft hearted and all sorts, and I never took it for an insult, because I know better. I’m only being human and not soft by the way, who says being soft is a weakness? I once had a lady tell me she likes taking in with force, that’s where the pleasure doubles for her, I told her clean and clear, “you’re not getting that here lady”, let that sink in well. Do I need anyone to teach me these things, maybe a part of it, but surely not all. I’ve been sexually active at a very young age and did some really nasty things but never crossed the line. I mean, what pleasure there’s making force penetration, the thought of it alone is sickening.

I will like to point out false accusations as well. I implore and plea that we’d be certain about our allegations so a wrongly accused person won’t suffer a crime he knows nothing about. For instance, a trend on Twitter, a lady gave out a guy’s contact number, mistaking him for a renowned rapist and the guy got life threatening messages and all. Few hours after, the lady confirmed it was a wrong number and had to apologise. You imagine it was beyond just phone numbers, dude would have probably lost his life or on the verge of it for something he knows absolutely nothing about. Raising false accusations just to get at people should be as punishable as rape itself in my opinion. 

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In all, let’s teach ourselves to being human, and make no excuse for those that have chosen to be animals, at this stage some are not even worthy of being compared with animals, because they are far off better. In whatever you do, put your conscience to work, remember you’d have a daughter some day or a sister somewhere and would you have want same fate be fall them?

Here’s a solidarity in heart and a torn in my soul in sympathy to those that has been a rape victim, it’s a hard place to be and the imagery makes me wonder what it'd look like in reality. I pray the Good Lord console and heal you completely. And to those that lost their lives at the cause, God grant them justice they and their family surely deserve. On this note I drop my pen till when next it is again out here.